We are so good, brilliant actually, at making excuses. We’re so good at it, in fact, that most of us don’t even know we’re doing it.
I hear it everywhere…a client says, “well, I just have 6 years until retirement, then I’ll have time for (insert everything the client wants here).” I hear it from friends, “Working 70 hours a week is just temporary since we have this new manager.” I overhear it from strangers stating to a friend, “I’ll be able to do what I want when…”
When I look back on my own life, I had a PhD in excuse making. And I had no idea because I could put a positive twist on anything. Seriously, what I truly believed was being positive, was simply excuse after excuse.
For example, years ago I was working in non-profit fund development. I believed in the organization and the job itself was fine (the worst of the 4-letter F-words!). What I really wanted was to move into PR and marketing. When that position became available, I thought, this was my chance! I was brought in to discuss it, and the discussion wasn’t exactly what I had envisioned…I was asked to take on the new role (yay me!) while continuing with my current role. Hmmm…I thought, at least it was a chance. (Excuse) I can show them what I can do. (Excuse) I’m sure they will hire someone for my old position soon. (Excuse) And then I waited.
I was working two jobs, for a one job salary. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting for someone to say, “Great job with the double responsibility!” Or perhaps, “Thanks for holding down 2 jobs here, let’s compensate you accordingly.” And I kept waiting. I worked nights. I worked weekends. I was always working. I was always waiting. And I made excuses…I’m learning new skills in this second role. This will look great on my resume. I know this is only temporary. I can totally handle it. I’m going to make it work. One excuse after another. And I did it all with a smile.
We don’t make change until the pain is greater than the gain.
I waited almost 2 years. Two years! Then the pain became greater than the gain. I was tired. I was crabby. I was missing out on family gatherings and hanging out with friends. I was missing out on life, waiting for the change. I didn’t speak up to ask for what I wanted…that’s a whole other story! As soon as the pain was greater than the gain, the job search began. A month later I gave my notice.
In my head I created the story that my boss was going to beg me to stay. That they would give me back-pay and find someone for my original role. I thought she would tell me how much they would miss me. What I got was, “Why would you leave here?” Are you frickin’ kidding me? I was young and I wasn’t using my voice as I would today. I smiled and said it was simply time for a new challenge and that was that.
Why do we make excuses?
I work with people from all over the world at all levels. Entrepreneurs, individual contributors, new managers, C-Suite execs. From the kitchen to the cubical to the corner office, I hear the excuses over and over and over again. We become numb to it. The fear of change, considering a change or using our voice can have such a strong hold on us. And because we don’t want to live in the feeling of fear, doubt, anger, worry, anxiety, overwhelm, disappointment, etc., we rationalize everything that we don’t really want. And we wait.
We wait because it’s not bad enough, but it certainly isn’t great. The gain is still greater than the pain when we are able to excuse the pain away, it makes it tolerable.
Like I said, many of us won’t make the change until it becomes bad enough. Something (illness, loss, mid-life crisis) shakes up our world so much that it forces us into a new perspective of what really matters. And because we’ve been making excuses for so long, when someone asks what we really want, we often don’t know! So, we make more excuses.
How do you know when you’re making an excuse?
1) Stop and reflect on several different areas of your life…career, relationships, connection to your purpose, work/life balance, finances, health, etc.
2) Ask yourself these questions:
If you have an answer to ANY of these questions, you’re making excuses!
WHY WHY WHY do we do this? Because we believe messages we are told from parents, society, old bosses, a loved one…
And we wait for something to happen. And the something that happens is usually TO us. We get let go of a job. We have a health scare. Someone close to us dies way too young. Why do we wait until we are suddenly forced into taking stock of our life?
It’s time for a Wake Up call…BEFORE we are forced into it!!
So I am literally hosting my first Women’s Wake-Up Call
And because we’re all so great at making excuses, I’m offering TWO FREE chances to WAKE UP and Learn 3 Steps to Stop the Excuses!
Friday, August 23 – 7am – 8am CST Register Here
Thursday, August 29 – 7am – 8am CST Register Here
Click on the above link to register for your preferred date and you will receive the video/phone call-in number to join me and a few special guests!
It’s 1 hour ladies! Call from the train, the office, the car (hands-free, safety first!), even bed, we don’t care! Stop waiting for something to happen and learn how to step into your power and MAKE it happen!
Mention below one excuse you are making that you are ready to STOP!
Here’s to moving past your excuses!
Lesley Picchietti, PCC, CPC, ELI-MP
© Inspire Bliss Coaching and Consulting 2019
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Join me, Addie Smits and Barb Heenan for a women’s retreat
Reset and Renew – The Light Within You
October 4-6, Wingspread Retreat Center, Racine, WI
36 acres of lush, natural landscape along the coast of Lake Michigan Luxury accommodations
Gourmet meals and snacks meeting all dietary requirements
One-of-a-kind Attitudinal Assessment and 1 hour debrief ($600 value)
90 Minute Follow-up Group Coaching call and SO MUCH MORE!
Make a commitment to yourself for yourself!
Plus, enjoy 20% off with my ‘Hey, I know Lesley’ discount!
Invite a friend and they can use the discount as well!
Space is limited so book today.
Click on the link for all the info and to register.